Baby too Little
Today - the 15th of April 1999 - is a sad day for my husband and me. Some weeks ago we found out that we were pregnant with our 3rd child; we were both so happy, and we were all planning on having the new baby in November this year. Then - in the beginning of this week I started to bleed, and yesterday I went to take an ultrasound at the hospital. Unfortunately, our little baby was dead, and it was a spontaneous abortion. I had to take a small operation to remove whatever was left so there would be no danger of getting an infection. It feels really, really sad; we were so much looking forward to having our 3rd baby. I am just so lucky to have 2 wonderful children that are healthy and well.
On this page you will find more information
from other parents that have lost their child; and I hope that this page might
somehow comfort those that have been through this terrible ordeal. Please take
the time to sign the guest book (at the bottom of this page) while you are
here - your words might comfort someone else that has been through the same as
This page is dedicated to our little baby, who we never met; and to Leonie who lost her 4-month-old baby girl and to Veronica who lost her daughter 18 days after birth, as well as all other parents who have lost their little baby.
you for sharing your feelings with all the people on the Internet,
years have gone
Sweetest Of Memory
Montanna Raine Maddle,
Went home to heaven, before her first rock in the cradle.
She was our little angel that never came to be.
Ten little fingers and toes,
Cherub round face and a button nose.
Mystic blue eyes,
Forever closed in a angelic slumber disguise.
Everything perfect and precious,
Every moment a blessing and every memory shared momentous.
As sweet and fresh as her name,
She'll always' be our sunshine after the pain and life's rain.
For the brief moments of closeness or far apart,
She's still as close as in our hearts.
Little angel so perfect and fine,
How you filled our heart and made it shine.
On the wing's of love and endless prayer,
We sent you home to the promise of God's glory somewhere.
How we still love and miss you,
Montanna Raine Maddle we pray the angels keep you happy,
And that they love our little angel as much as we do.
August 7th, 2002 In Memory Of Montanna Raine Maddle
By: Sally Joe Maddle
Until we've shared and seen our last sunset baby girl, we'll be together again.
Love Always, Mommy and Daddy Maddle
I love you, little daughter, my companion of the night,
wandering through my lonely hours, beautiful and bright.
And, my little daughter, you lived like anyone!
Life's just a burst of joy and pain, and then, like yours, it's gone.
I love you, little daughter, just as if you'd lived for
And just as much I think of you, the fountain of my tears.
- Author unknown -
I entered the room
Heaven is a place nearby
You just faded away
Heaven is a place nearby
And even when I go to sleep
~ Lene Marlin ~
A million times I needed you,
In life I loved you dearly,
If tears could build a stairway,
~ Author unkown ~
I loved the quiet time I spent
when every heart beat you had sent
to my flesh and to my skin
flowed forth to bring me peace within
your silent womb
..... I loved the silent time
And even as my tiny heart
laboured at death's call before my start
at birth and life, and as I ailed,
soon no longer to inhale
or feel your pulse to mine
..... I loved the quiet time
My body now apart from yours,
still lives, yet not upon your shores,
and suffers not nor is in pain
for within its new domain
I can love the quiet time.
..... I loved the quiet time
The Dress Rehearsal
I see the little cradle that you prepared for me,
surrounded by the fluffy toys and all that finery.
I felt how hard you laboured,
Heard you catch a sudden breath
As the doctor told you
I'd been handed back by Death.
I'm sorry that I hurt you,
That the eight months were in vain.
I didn't want to make you cry
Or give you all that pain
But please don't put away the toys
And keep the cot for me
For I'll be back within the year
Just you wait and see.
Jesus are they with you
I wonder that some days
I wonder why they are gone
And why they could not stay
I thank you so much for the two beautiful girls you gave me
But i also love my three little angels too you see
I know jesus that you have a special place
Where you keep them safe and warm
And there are no tears
They are with all the other baby angels
That have passed away through the years
I know you gave them a soul and a name
I wonder if the names i would have given them
would be the same
You see I know it wasnt their time
Though their life had begun
I have learned before about these things
I know now that even the tiniest angels get their wings
They were three angels taken from my womb
And brought to the garden of heaven too soon
It was so so unfair my little ones
But it was not your time
But you all live in my heart
Sweet daughters and son of mine
I hope anyone who has suffered a loss of a baby heals heals soon and that you learn how to deal with the heart ache.even though you feel your heart has been wrenched out it will get better.
Just a little note to say
You are in my thoughts again today
Even though we did not get to hold you
or even hear you cry
We did not even get to know
if you were our little girl or boy
We grieve your loss and I shed many a tear
I do wish that you were safe inside me here
But here in our hearts you will always be
Even if your little face we never got to see
God gave you but took you back so fast
Our happiness about you it did not get to last
You have 2 little sisters here you know
They are too young to understand
Why you were not allowed to grow
So little angel if you can hear
You are here in my heart so you are always near
We grieve your loss and we always will
Years from now we will remember our little angel still
Hlaves sent me her story about loosing her baby - something
that must be the most terrible thing that can happen to a mother and father.
Thank you very much, Veronica, for letting other people share this story with
you, and the best of luck with the new baby! (March 1998)
Hi. My name is Veronica. I'm 24 years old
and in the 30th week of my second pregnancy. I hope my story is helpful.
The first time I got pregnant I was 23 years old. I was very excited, as was my husband, who was 34. It was the first marriage and pregnancy for both of us. We didn't have any trouble getting pregnant. As a matter of fact, we got pregnant a few short weeks after we got married. I knew I was pregnant as soon as I missed my period. That was the beginning of February, 97.
Since this was my first pregnancy, I didn't really know what to expect. I had a severe case of morning sickness. I was sick all day. I actually lost ten pounds in my fourth month. Unfortunately, my doctor didn't feel that this was a serious problem and told me to eat crackers and small meals. When I tried to explain that it didn't help she sent me to a dietitian, who told me the same thing. Anyway my daughter was not growing at the rate that she should have and no one would listen. So if you think something is not right, then make sure that you make someone listen to you. Even if it means seeing another doctor.
I had several ultrasounds that indicated my daughter was very small for her gestational age. I was very anxious, but since this was my first pregnancy I thought maybe she would just be a very small baby. Boy was I ever right. On June 30, 1997, I awoke with terrible cramping. I couldn't sleep at all. The pain was so bad that all I could do was double over and cry. I didn't have any bleeding so I decided to wait to go to the doctor. By the time my husband came home from work, I had just started to spot. We went to the hospital, but after a 20-minute exam and a four-hour wait, they sent me home and told me to resume all my normal activities. According to them I was OK.
I went home and the bleeding continued, The Dr. said it might because she had to poke at my cervix during the exam. Three days later I had terrible cramping again. I was up all night. The contractions weren't regular and they subsided that morning. I had a lot of pressure though. It felt like I was very constipated. I decided to take the bus and go to the store to by an enema. The Dr.'s tell you not to use one, but I didn't care. I had to walk three blocks to the bus stop. By the time I had gotten there my cramps were back again. This time, had I been timing them, I would have noticed that they were 3 minutes apart. I had missed my bus so I had to sit ten minutes for the next one. My cramps were so bad that I decided to walk home and call my husband. During the walk home I had to stop four times and hold on to a tree so that I didn't fall during my contractions.
I finally got to my house and opened the
door. By the time I had gotten to the bathroom ten feet away, my water had
broken. I went to get the cordless phone, which was about 15 feet from the
bathroom. I went back to the bathroom and dialed 911. During the call, I gave
birth to my daughter. I was only 24 weeks and she was so small that I didn't
even have to push. Fortunately, the umbilical cord wasn't wrapped around her
neck. She was crying and her eyes were open, which indicates that she was
older than previously thought. The ambulance arrived and took us to hospital.
She lived 18 days in the Neo-Natel Intensive care unit. She was 12 inches long
and weighed 1 pound four ounces. She passed away on July 21st, 1997, one day
after my 24th birthday.
We were very shocked to learn that, four weeks after her death, I was again pregnant. This pregnancy has gone very well. I'm now in my 30th week. I have been going to the Dr. every week. (I found a new Dr. who really listens to me) I have to get a steroid shot every week that will help my son's lungs mature faster in the case that he is also born prematurely. Ultrasounds show that he is a very long child. He should be, I'm 5'10 and his dad is 6'5. He is growing normally and I only had morning sickness for 2 months. This time though, the sickness was very slight. I still freak out every time I get a
cramp our Braxton-Hicks contraction. But then again who wouldn't.
Every cloud has a silver lining though. Two weeks after our daughter's death, we were asked to adopt a newborn little girl. She is my niece, so the adoption went through fairly easy. She is now seven months old. She is totally beautiful and she looks just like me. She actually trying to help me type. When her brother is born in May, Caitlyn will be ten months old. I'm definitely going to have my hands full, but I wouldn't give it up for anything in the world.
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