A Baby too Little

Today - the 15^th of April 1999 - is a sad day for my husband and me. Some weeks ago we found out that we were pregnant with our 3^rd child; we were both so happy, and we were all planning on having the new baby in November this year. Then - in the beginning of this week I started to bleed, and yesterday I went to take an ultrasound at the hospital. Unfortunately, our little baby was dead, and it was a spontaneous abortion. I had to take a small operation to remove whatever was left so there would be no danger of getting an infection. It feels really, really sad; we were so much looking forward to having our 3^rd baby. I am just so lucky to have 2 wonderful children that are healthy and well.

On this page you will find more information from other parents that have lost their child; and I hope that this page might somehow comfort those that have been through this terrible ordeal. Please take the time to sign the guest book (at the bottom of this page) while you are here - your words might comfort someone else that has been through the same as you!

This page is dedicated to our little baby, who we never met; and to Leonie who lost her 4-month-old baby girl and to Veronica who lost her daughter 18 days after birth, as well as all other parents who have lost their little baby.

- Kathrine Jølle Wathne -

MADELIN JADE

A little girl so tender and sweet
was given to us we thought to keep.
How happy we were for 16 weeks,
Our family now complete.
Easter came with all its good cheer,
Three beautiful children, what a great year.
How quickly our happiness turned to pain,
"our baby has died" no one could explain,
We had lots of support from family and friends,
But as time went on there seemed no end.
To the hurt and anger and just feeling sad,
It's hard to believe our lives got this bad.
it's been one year since our nightmare began,
We now have three children with us again.
They are all very special in there own way,
But I still wish Madelin could be with us today.

Written by Mummy Leonie
on the first day after the anniversary of Madelin Jade's death

Thank you for sharing your feelings with all the people on the Internet, Leonie!

Baby Angel
~ By Michelle Chan 13th of June 1997 ~

Golden tears fall for me,
calm your sorrows,
with God in Heaven is where I am.
And your Baby Angel I have become,
To you I send a silent kiss.
And your Baby Angel I become.

We would pray,
"Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
If I die before I wake
I pray the Lord my soul to take."

God listened.

And I became your Baby Angel.

Two years have gone
by and still I see
Two Beautiful faces
staring up at me

I know you're not here
to share the glory
but here I stay
to tell our story

Michelle is sweet
but a little shy
Danielle looks like you
and is cute a pie

I still don't understand
why you've gone
but my memories of you
continually go on

It is true you are
no longer here
but your eyes, nose, and mouth
have somehow reappeared

You see our two daughters
are wondrous treasures
that no other gift
could ever measure

I thank you everyday
for the gift of life
and also so much
for being your wife

Occasionally tears fall
while reminiscing our love
but it's nice to know
you're watching from heaven above.

I will always love you Jeff.

Love, Brandi Dessayer

In loving memory of Jeff Alan Dessaer who died suddenly at the young age of twenty-eight. Leaving behind his wife and two beautiful twin girls of whom he never had the chance of knowing.

Sweetest Of Memory

Montanna Raine Maddle,

Went home to heaven, before her first rock in the cradle.

You see,

She was our little angel that never came to be.

Ten little fingers and toes,

Cherub round face and a button nose.

Mystic blue eyes,

Forever closed in a angelic slumber disguise.

Everything perfect and precious,

Every moment a blessing and every memory shared momentous.

As sweet and fresh as her name,

She'll always' be our sunshine after the pain and life's rain.

For the brief moments of closeness or far apart,

She's still as close as in our hearts.

Little angel so perfect and fine,

How you filled our heart and made it shine.

On the wing's of love and endless prayer,

We sent you home to the promise of God's glory somewhere.

How we still love and miss you,

Montanna Raine Maddle we pray the angels keep you happy,

And that they love our little angel as much as we do.

August 7th, 2002 In Memory Of Montanna Raine Maddle

By: Sally Joe Maddle

Until we've shared and seen our last sunset baby girl, we'll be together again.

Love Always, Mommy and Daddy Maddle

I love you, little daughter. You're a person of the wind,
free to be the memory of all that might have been.

I love you, little daughter, my companion of the night,
wandering through my lonely hours, beautiful and bright.

And, my little daughter, you lived like anyone!
Life's just a burst of joy and pain, and then, like yours, it's gone.

I love you, little daughter, just as if you'd lived for years.
And just as much I think of you, the fountain of my tears.

- Author unknown -

A Place Nearby I entered the room sat by your bed all through the night I watched your daily fight I hardly knew the pain was almost more than I could bear and still I hear your last words to me Heaven is a place nearby so I won't be so far away and if you try and look for me maybe you'll find me someday heaven is a place nearby so there's no need to say goodbye I wanna ask you not to cry I'll always be by your side You just faded away you spread your wings your had flown away to something unknown wish I could bring you back you're always on my mind about to tear myself apart you have your special place in my heart always Heaven is a place nearby so I won't be so far away And if you try and look for me maybe you'll find me someday heaven is a place nearby so there's no need to say goodbye I wanna ask you not to cry I'll always be by your side And even when I go to sleep I still can hear your voice and those words I never will forget ~ Lene Marlin ~	They say memories are golden, well, maybe that is true; I never wanted memories, I only wanted you. A million times I needed you, A million times I cried; If love alone could have saved you, You never would have died. In life I loved you dearly, In death I love you still; In my heart you hold a place No one could ever fill. If tears could build a stairway, And heartache make a lane; I'd walk the path to heaven, And bring you back again. ~ Author unkown ~

Quiet Time I loved the quiet time I spent when every heart beat you had sent to my flesh and to my skin flowed forth to bring me peace within your silent womb ..... I loved the silent time And even as my tiny heart laboured at death's call before my start at birth and life, and as I ailed, soon no longer to inhale or feel your pulse to mine ..... I loved the quiet time My body now apart from yours, still lives, yet not upon your shores, and suffers not nor is in pain for within its new domain I can love the quiet time. ..... I loved the quiet time	The Dress Rehearsal I see the little cradle that you prepared for me, surrounded by the fluffy toys and all that finery. I felt how hard you laboured, Heard you catch a sudden breath As the doctor told you I'd been handed back by Death. I'm sorry that I hurt you, That the eight months were in vain. I didn't want to make you cry Or give you all that pain But please don't put away the toys And keep the cot for me For I'll be back within the year Just you wait and see.
Jesus are they with you I wonder that some days I wonder why they are gone And why they could not stay I thank you so much for the two beautiful girls you gave me But i also love my three little angels too you see I know jesus that you have a special place Where you keep them safe and warm And there are no tears They are with all the other baby angels That have passed away through the years I know you gave them a soul and a name I wonder if the names i would have given them would be the same You see I know it wasnt their time Though their life had begun I have learned before about these things I know now that even the tiniest angels get their wings They were three angels taken from my womb And brought to the garden of heaven too soon It was so so unfair my little ones But it was not your time But you all live in my heart Sweet daughters and son of mine xxxxxxx mummy. Cindy Piggott I hope anyone who has suffered a loss of a baby heals heals soon and that you learn how to deal with the heart ache.even though you feel your heart has been wrenched out it will get better.	Just a little note to say You are in my thoughts again today Even though we did not get to hold you or even hear you cry We did not even get to know if you were our little girl or boy We grieve your loss and I shed many a tear I do wish that you were safe inside me here But here in our hearts you will always be Even if your little face we never got to see God gave you but took you back so fast Our happiness about you it did not get to last You have 2 little sisters here you know They are too young to understand Why you were not allowed to grow So little angel if you can hear You are here in my heart so you are always near We grieve your loss and we always will Years from now we will remember our little angel still Cindy Piggott

Veronica Hlaves sent me her story about loosing her baby - something that must be the most terrible thing that can happen to a mother and father. Thank you very much, Veronica, for letting other people share this story with you, and the best of luck with the new baby! (March 1998)

Hi. My name is Veronica. I'm 24 years old and in the 30th week of my second pregnancy. I hope my story is helpful.

The first time I got pregnant I was 23 years old. I was very excited, as was my husband, who was 34. It was the first marriage and pregnancy for both of us. We didn't have any trouble getting pregnant. As a matter of fact, we got pregnant a few short weeks after we got married. I knew I was pregnant as soon as I missed my period. That was the beginning of February, 97.

Since this was my first pregnancy, I didn't really know what to expect. I had a severe case of morning sickness. I was sick all day. I actually lost ten pounds in my fourth month. Unfortunately, my doctor didn't feel that this was a serious problem and told me to eat crackers and small meals. When I tried to explain that it didn't help she sent me to a dietitian, who told me the same thing. Anyway my daughter was not growing at the rate that she should have and no one would listen. So if you think something is not right, then make sure that you make someone listen to you. Even if it means seeing another doctor.

I had several ultrasounds that indicated my daughter was very small for her gestational age. I was very anxious, but since this was my first pregnancy I thought maybe she would just be a very small baby. Boy was I ever right. On June 30, 1997, I awoke with terrible cramping. I couldn't sleep at all. The pain was so bad that all I could do was double over and cry. I didn't have any bleeding so I decided to wait to go to the doctor. By the time my husband came home from work, I had just started to spot. We went to the hospital, but after a 20-minute exam and a four-hour wait, they sent me home and told me to resume all my normal activities. According to them I was OK.

I went home and the bleeding continued, The Dr. said it might because she had to poke at my cervix during the exam. Three days later I had terrible cramping again. I was up all night. The contractions weren't regular and they subsided that morning. I had a lot of pressure though. It felt like I was very constipated. I decided to take the bus and go to the store to by an enema. The Dr.'s tell you not to use one, but I didn't care. I had to walk three blocks to the bus stop. By the time I had gotten there my cramps were back again. This time, had I been timing them, I would have noticed that they were 3 minutes apart. I had missed my bus so I had to sit ten minutes for the next one. My cramps were so bad that I decided to walk home and call my husband. During the walk home I had to stop four times and hold on to a tree so that I didn't fall during my contractions.

I finally got to my house and opened the door. By the time I had gotten to the bathroom ten feet away, my water had broken. I went to get the cordless phone, which was about 15 feet from the bathroom. I went back to the bathroom and dialed 911. During the call, I gave birth to my daughter. I was only 24 weeks and she was so small that I didn't even have to push. Fortunately, the umbilical cord wasn't wrapped around her neck. She was crying and her eyes were open, which indicates that she was older than previously thought. The ambulance arrived and took us to hospital. She lived 18 days in the Neo-Natel Intensive care unit. She was 12 inches long and weighed 1 pound four ounces. She passed away on July 21st, 1997, one day after my 24th birthday.

We were very shocked to learn that, four weeks after her death, I was again pregnant. This pregnancy has gone very well. I'm now in my 30th week. I have been going to the Dr. every week. (I found a new Dr. who really listens to me) I have to get a steroid shot every week that will help my son's lungs mature faster in the case that he is also born prematurely. Ultrasounds show that he is a very long child. He should be, I'm 5'10 and his dad is 6'5. He is growing normally and I only had morning sickness for 2 months. This time though, the sickness was very slight. I still freak out every time I get a
cramp our Braxton-Hicks contraction. But then again who wouldn't.

Every cloud has a silver lining though. Two weeks after our daughter's death, we were asked to adopt a newborn little girl. She is my niece, so the adoption went through fairly easy. She is now seven months old. She is totally beautiful and she looks just like me. She actually trying to help me type. When her brother is born in May, Caitlyn will be ten months old. I'm definitely going to have my hands full, but I wouldn't give it up for anything in the world.

- Veronica -

Please leave a note in the Baby-Too-Little Book

Sign My Guestbook View My Guestbook